338: Become the Person Everyone Wants to Talk To: The Science of Great Conversation
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#338: We spend our entire lives talking to other people, but no one ever teaches us how to actually be good at it. And according to today's guest, conversation isn’t something you’re either naturally good or bad at. It’s a skill you can learn. Dr. Alison Wood Brooks is a Harvard Business School professor and MasterClass instructor, behavioral scientist, and author of TALK: The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves. After more than 15 years studying the science of conversation, she knows the tiny shifts that can make people feel more connected to you, help you navigate awkward or difficult interactions, and ultimately build better relationships. Alison break down what actually makes someone a great conversationalist and the common habits that may be preventing us from connecting as deeply as we want to, and why becoming a better conversationalist can impact so much more than your social life, from your career to your relationships to how fulfilled you feel.
You’ll learn:
The simple question that can instantly deepen almost any conversation
What to do when you hit an awkward silence
The question format that creates better conversations than “why” questions
How to make networking feel less transactional
The common “boomerasking” mistake that you're probably making
How to deal with people who never ask questions about you
How to navigate disagreements without becoming defensive or trying to “win”
The 30-second prep trick that can make you better at networking, dates, meetings, and social events
How to network and advocate for yourself at work without feeling like you’re constantly pitching yourself
Why better conversations may be one of the keys to feeling less lonely and more connected
CHAPTERS:
00:20 - Why conversation is becoming more important than ever
04:30 - Conversation is a skill, not a personality trait
09:30 - What actually makes a conversation “good”?
14:30 - How to navigate disagreements with the CALM framework
19:00 - The biggest mistake we make in conversations
23:00 - How to become genuinely more curious about other people
28:30 - You can’t control how other people show up
33:00 - How to be authentic while becoming a better conversationalist
38:30 - What to do when there’s an awkward silence
43:00 - The questions that create deeper connection
47:00 - Stop “boomerasking” and start asking follow-up questions
50:30 - How to make networking actually work for you
55:30 - Rapid-fire questions + the conversations that can change your life
RESOURCES & MENTIONS:
Dr. Alison Wood Brooks — Harvard Business School professor and behavioral scientist.
Talk: The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves — Alison’s book.
Talk Time Games / Talk Studios — Alison’s conversation games and resources.
MasterClass — The Conversation Advantage — Alison’s class on becoming a better conversationalist.
Not the Weather — MasterClass conversation-prep web app mentioned in the episode.
Priya Parker — mentioned in relation to “magic questions”.
Vanessa Van Edwards — mentioned for conversation starters/questions.
Daniel Kahneman — Thinking, Fast and Slow.
Michael Lewis — The Undoing Project.
CONNECT WITH JOSIE:
Follow @josie.santi
CONNECT WITH DR. ALISON WOOD BROOKS:
Follow @profalisonbrooks
CONNECT WITH MASTERCLASS:
Follow @masterclass
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