Episode 87: Every Question You've Ever Had About Sex, with the Sex Therapists Behind Safeword Podcast
Kamil Lewis, MA, LMFT, and Casey Tanner, MA, LCPC, CST are two sex therapists looking to redefine sex culture and how we talk about sexuality and intimacy. They're the voices behind one of the leading podcasts, Safeword, which they call "sex therapy, unhinged." Today's conversation ranges from empowering and emotional to juicy and fun: Casey and Kamil share how they got over lack of sex education, heteronormativity, and engrained homophobia to own their authentic sexuality, and why our culture is in a "sex recession." They also dive into hot topics like why porn doesn't have to mix with your IRL sex life, what is kink and how to play around with being more kinky, and why having less sex may lead to a sexual awakening. Think of this episode like every question you've ever wanted to know about sex being answered by your two (super knowledgable) besties.
Find support from The Expansive Group here.
Read Feel It All: A Therapist's Guide to Reimagining Your Relationship with Sex by Casey Tanner here.
SHOW NOTES:
For this week’s Ask The Everygirl, Josie and Emma respond to a listener’s question about whether or not her boyfriend is “the one,” and explain what certain criteria should be for determining whether or not to spend the rest of your life with another person. The episode with Kamil Lewis and Casey Tanner kicks off with Josie asking both Safeword cohosts how they initially got into sex therapy and why they were interested in shifting perspectives around sex and sexuality. Josie then asks the two of them about the relationship between sex and mental health, and Casey explains why she thinks that the idea that having more sex is correlated to better mental health is a myth. Then, Casey and Kamil dive into a discussion of heteronormativity, and how it can impact all of us (regardless of our sexual orientations) in our sex lives and relationships. Kamil says that heteronormativity can often shame people out of kinkiness, and Casey points out the damaging impacts of the “relationship escalator.” Josie asks them how someone can move beyond gendered assumptions in their sex lives, and Kamil and Casey give helpful tips. Josie, Kamil, and Casey have a conversation about how we have learned shame in our conversations about sex, even with long-term partners. Casey discusses the “sex miseducation” that many of us have had through all of our lives, and how to move past it. Then, Josie asks Kamil and Casey why we are in a period of people having less sex. Casey discusses how they think the shift in the cultural approach to sex is not about having more sex but is actually about having better sex, and sometimes that might mean having less sex. Josie asks Kamil and Casey how listeners can differentiate between having a changing attitude towards sex versus going through a “dry spell.” Casey and Kamil provide helpful advice for initiating conversations, with partners and even with yourself, about how much sex you’re having and whether or not you want to have more. They discuss becoming less goal-oriented and more pleasure-oriented when it comes to sex. Josie then asks Kamil and Casey to explain kinks. They define the term, discuss why kinks have been so taboo and why it’s so important to destigmatize them, and also provide tips for getting to know yourself and your own kinkiness. The three have a short conversation about porn. Finally, Josie asks about long relationship energy and new relationship energy, asking the two of them to differentiate between the two for the audience. The episode closes with some rapid-fire questions for Kamil and Casey.
Must-Listen Moments:
[05:54] Ask The Everygirl: How Do I Know If My Partner Is ‘The One’?
[23:36] Interview with Sex Therapists Kamil Lewis and Casey Tanner
[38:42] Navigating Shame and Heteronormativity in Conversations
[40:35] The Sex Recession: A Deep Dive
[41:35] The Power of Non-Sexual Pleasure
[42:57] Redefining Sexual Intercourse and Pleasure
[49:08] The Role of Kinks in Sexual Exploration
[1:00:22] The Transition from New Relationship Energy to Long Relationship Energy
[1:05:29] The Role of Therapy in Sexual Exploration
More from The Everygirl:
Find and listen to more episodes at https://theeverygirl.com/